I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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