Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
