No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
