When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Randomize
