I will die if light touches me.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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