I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My bed smells like the plague
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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