I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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