can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
