Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
