YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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