sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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