Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
