it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
