i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
