On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize