sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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