one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
