who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
