Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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