Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
