I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
