she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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