why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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