Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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