even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You need Xanax blowdarts
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
