He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
