your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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