Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
