Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
