I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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