I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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