If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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