Who wears a wallet chain?!
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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