I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
vagina is talking i cant
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
