And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
