party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
