No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
