They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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