Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
There r osticjed everywhere
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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