if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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