Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
