you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
