no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I feel like death gave me a hand job
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
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