from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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