i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
