I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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