Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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