You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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