Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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