You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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