i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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