She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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