I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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