i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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