Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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