I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
