what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
