If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Rumble strips road head = magical
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
