don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
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There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
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weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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