i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
