Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You ruined the universe
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
