I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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