Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
