I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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