I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
did you just send me my own nude
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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