My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
