i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
