he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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