I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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