I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
