Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
