Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
