Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
