please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
