garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
