I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
