Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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