My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
