is your mom at the bar?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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