Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
