No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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