Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
