hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
